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Contents
The Reader of Books Mr Wormwood, the Great Car Dealer
The Hat and the Superglue
The Ghost Arithmetic The Platinum-Blond Man Miss Honey
The Trunchbull The Parents Throwing the Hammer
Bruce Bogtrotter and the Cake
Lavender The Weekly Test
The First Miracle The Second Miracle Miss Honey’s Cottage
Miss Honey’s Story
The Names The Practice
The Third Miracle A New HomeThe Reader of Books
It’s a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think that he or she is wonderful.
Some parents go further. They become so blinded by adoration they manage to convince themselves their child has qualities of genius.
Well, there is nothing very wrong with all this. It’s the way of the world. It is only when the parents begin telling us about the brilliance of their own revolting offspring, that we start shouting, "Bring us a basin! We’re going to be sick!"
School teachers suffer a good deal from having to listen to this sort of twaddle from proud parents, but they usually get their
own back when the time comes to write the end-of-term reports. If I were a teacher I would cook up some real scorchers for the children of doting parents. "Your son Maximilian", I would write, "is a total wash- out. I hope you have a family business you can push him into when he leaves school because he sure as heck won’t get a job anywhere else." Or if I were feeling lyrical that day, I might write, "It is a curious truth that grasshoppers have their hearing-organs in the sides of the abdomen. Your daughter Vanessa, judging by what she’s learnt this term, has no hearing-organs at all."
I might even delve deeper into natural history and say, "The periodical cicada spends six years as a grub underground, and no more than six days as a free creature of
sunlight and air. Your son Wilfred has spent six years as a grub in this school and we are still waiting for him to emerge from the chrysalis." A particularly poisonous little girl might sting me into saying, "Fiona has the same glacial beauty as an iceberg, but unlike the iceberg she has absolutely nothing below the surface." I
think I might enjoy writing end-of-term reports for the stinkers in my class. But enough of that. We have to get on.
Occasionally one comes across parents who take the opposite line, who show no interest at all in their children, and these of course are far worse than the doting ones. Mr and Mrs Wormwood were two such parents. They had a son called Michael and a daughter called Matilda, and the parents
looked upon Matilda in particular as nothing more than a scab. A scab is something you have to put up with until the time comes when you can pick it off and flick it away. Mr and Mrs Wormwood looked forward enormously to the time when they could pick their little daughter off and flick her away, preferably into the next county or even further than that.
It is bad enough when parents treat ordinary children as though they were scabs and bunions, but it becomes somehow a lot worse when the child in question is extraordinary, and by that I mean sensitive and brilliant. Matilda was both of these things, but above all she was brilliant. Her mind was so nimble and she was so quick to learn that her ability should have been obvious even to the most half-witted of
parents. But Mr and Mrs Wormwood were both so gormless and so wrapped up in their own silly little lives that they failed to notice anything unusual about their daughter.
My parents will
2)Who will gather mushrooms?
Our grandpa will
3)Who will gather berries?
I will
4)Who will go and see the elephant?
His son will.
5)Who will give the rabbit some grass?
My Mum will
6)Who will call in the dog?
My brother will
7)What will you do in the zoo?
We will see animals
8)What will you see in the country?
I will a cow
9)What will they see in the forest?
They will see a hare
10)What will you write to her sister about?
I will write to her sister about my holidays
11)What will you give your son for his birthday?
I will give my son a tablet PC for his birthday
12)What will she call her cat?
She will call her cat Pussy
13)What books will you take from the library?
I will take love stories from the library
14)What cake will she cook?
She will cook Napoleon
15)What dress will you put on?
I will put on a red dress
16)What text will they read?
They will read an article
17)How many pages will you read for tomorrow?
I will read 20 pages for tomorrow
18)How many trees will they plant in spring?
They will plant 5 trees in spring
19)How much milk will she drink?
She will drink a bottle of milk
20)Where will you go in summer?
I will go to the seaside in summer
21)Where will you live next year?
I will live at home next year
23)When will they go for mushrooms?
They will go to the wood for mushrooms
24)When will she come back from the wood?
She will come back from the wood in 5 hours
25)How long will they stay in the forest?
They will stay for 5 hours in the forest
26)How long will you work with him?
I will work for 5 hours with him
27)At what time will your working day begin tomorrow?
My working day will begin at 7 tomorrow
28)Will you get up early or late tomorrow?
I will get up early tomorrow
29)When will you have breakfast?
I will have breakfast at 7
30)Who will prepare your breakfast for you?
My Mum will prepare my breakfast for me
31)Where will you go right after breakfast?
I will go to work right after breakfast
32)How will you get to your office(place of work)?
I will get to my office by bus
33)How long will it take you to get there?
It will take me 30 minutes to get there
34)Whom will you see when you come to your office(colleagues and friends)?
I will see my colleagues when I come to my office
35)What will you say when you see them?
I will say Hello
36)At what time will you go for lunch?
I will go for lunch at 12
37)When will you finish the work?
I will finish the work at 6
38)Will you go home after work or will you go to have classes?
I will go to have classes
39)In what way will you prepare for your English class?
I will read the texts
40)Will you read,write and speak English during your English class?
Yes, I will
41)What will you ask your teacher to do if you don't understand anything?
I will ask my teacher to help me
42)Where will you go after classes?
I will go home after classes
43)Will you be free or busy at the week-end?
I will be free at the week-end
44)Will you stay in town or go to the country next Sunday?
I will go to the country next Sunday
45)How are you going to spend next Sunday?
I will have a picnic
46)Shall we spend our free time together?
Yes, we will
47)When will your entrance???
48)Who will help you to prepare for them?
My tutor will
49)When will you be able to speak English fluently?
I will be able to speak English fluently in 2 years